Never Enough - Excerpt

Excerpt from

Never Enough
By Cali Canberra

EXCERPT from a conversation between Rene Killian and Dominick Castinitas:

"Sure. You know, I think I'm just going to get out of this damn crooked business..."

He interrupted her. "Get out! I thought you loved the business."

"No. I don't. Not the more I learn about how things go on. You can't trust anything. I love the horses. I loved the money I could make by being involved with the horses. But to be honest, the more I know, the more I want out."

"What's happened so bad besides the Ivys?"

"You wouldn't want to take that much time to know. Between things that I already knew and experienced first hand, and the confidential things I found out from Grady, and things I hear just being an insider, I'm just sick and tired of it! And then, you get clients like this Jared."

"You're just stressed and disillusioned right now. You don't mean it."

"No - that's not it. I mean, I am stressed, and of course the more I know, the more I'm disillusioned, but reality is reality. This business is a bunch of hype. The horses are wonderful. Now, I'll have enough money to just go find the kind of work that I'll actually enjoy, and not have a guilty conscious about. I'll have enough money to stand my ground. To listen to my inner voice. To not have to worry about balancing business and ethics, all for the all mighty dollar and for making an impression on other people."

"That's just how life is Rene. Everyone does that to a certain extent."

"You don't understand. You're the privileged one who makes the money somewhere else to blow on inflated priced horses. I'm the one who has to act like they are really worth these prices so people like you won't mind paying it."

"You've thought a lot about this, haven't you?"

"Yes. And probably a little too late. I just didn't know where to draw the line."

"Draw the line?"

"Yeah. I mean, I just play off of other people's hype and act like I don't know it's an inflated market. I play innocent, so I can live with myself and look in the mirror."

"Aren't you going overboard? You're saying that you can't look yourself in the mirror for charging people big bucks for horses, but you can blackmail someone? Think about what you're saying."

"I'm blackmailing the Ivy's because they deserve it, J.J. needs the money for a good reason, and I need to get Jared off my back and get on with life."

"So, that's how you justify your actions?"

"You don't understand."

"I do. I just mean that you're going overboard about thinking you shouldn't sell high end horses. You're one of the few people out there protecting the innocent... you make sure to buy them high quality, well bred animals. You educate people, try to get them involved. You show them that the horses are to be admired, and loved, and well cared for and that they aren't just money machines."

"Yes. But I do make sure they know that they can be money machines..."

"So, change your slant now that you won't need to earn nearly as much money."

"I don't want to be involved with the people and the 'industry' end of it anymore! I just want to enjoy a few horses of my own. I want to sleep at night without wondering how much I can mark-up a horse and still be fair. I want to sleep at night without calculating commissions. I want to go shopping for clothes and not think about if I would be dressing up to the standards of those that I'm trying to impress."

"Okay. You've obviously struggled with this for some time. I admire you - except the blackmail and your relationship with Grady," he said, trying to get the conversation off on a lighter side.

"Gee, thanks."

"Break it off with Grady. Find a nice guy like me. Not me, of course, just a guy like me."

"Oh, so now you're the standard all others should be measured against!"